My trip to Chicago

November 23, 2005

I just flew in from Chicago...........Boy are my arms tired

With all the makings of the movie Planes Trains and Automobiles, my dumbass flies out to Shy-town, do to return one day before Thanksgiving.

Welp, minding my own business as I always do, the humor started at the airport in Cleveland. As I stood silently in the line of many people, and craving some muse, welp, my dumb-ass starts flirting with one of the security chickies. All of them were wearing blue rubber gloves. Having all the makings of a movie with a cavity search about to occur, I started removing all of my electronic devices. Took up 5 trays. Now, that is nothing out of the ordinary. But hark, the fun starts. Cute blonde number two standing next to me, noticed that out of no where my shoe started ringing. I told her I felt like maxwell smart, and she started laughing so hard, I believe she may have piddled her panties. So, now cute blonde number two starts laughing as I pull my blackberry out of my shoe, and answer it.

Twas my Dark Angel, calling to say hello. I explained my situation, as the cavity search people were looking a might bit suspicious at me. I hung up with her, the cute security chickie found a reason to speak to me some more. It appears that Bob (A colored fella) had found an illegal device within all of my trays. Twas a lighter, in a pack of cigarettes. I was about ready to ask Bob (The colored fella) if he was down with the clown, till he was dead in the ground. Now mind ya, Bob (The colored fella) is the spitting image of Howard Sterns guest BeetleJuice 'cept 'bout twice as big. welp, now, cute security chickie, Bob (The colored fella), and piddle pants are all standing there looking at me, for my next witty remark.

Cute security chickie informed me that she would advise Bob (The colored fella), not to arrest me for my possession of illegal contraband, whilst smiling all the while. I then turned to Bob (The colored fella), whom I had known for about a total of 30 seconds, and asked him if after all he and I had been through together, if he could let me have my lighter back. There was laughter throughout the kingdom.

So, there I was, no lighter, no cavity search, heading to my plane. I called Nymphetamine, so that she too may laugh at my current, already starting adventure. Called My Dark Angel back, and we discussed how she wants to have babies. So I asked her if we two would get to have alot of practice at making babies before we actually had a few, and she shyly giggled, and said mayyyyyyyyybe.

Plane lands, I get me rental car, and there is a cute mexican chickie working the counter. She informs me that she will be back in a minute, in her broken English. Dusting off my Spanglish, I say, Piquito Minuto? with a smile. She says Si. So, back she comes, I ask Porque no Corvette? She smiled and said maybe next time. Having the flavor of salsa upon me, as per my recent Mexican-American encounter, I find a radio station called La Calle "The Street" I think, which specialized in Mexican Rap music. So down the road I trotted, with the Thumpity Thump bumping so loud that the rearview was vibrating. The station, and its current vloume remained for the rest of my journey in Chicago.

Onto my purpose for this journey, to install upgraded pc's and special software in 20 different locations. Welp, to make a short story long, I completed only 3 of the 20 locations, as the problems were to numerous to mention. So it looks like I will be back in Chicago sometime soon.

A word about Magellan roadmate. Welp, it sux balls!! The GPS locator kept losing signal which means either stop driving, or drive for a while to see if things kick in. And I even found myself cursing the very man it was named after, and the whore whom spat him from the womb, when I realized that the gravelpit I pulled into per Magellans instuction was indeed not a short cut to get to the freeway.

For some reason, I only got about three hours sleep a night. I was on the phone with my Dark Angel. I informed her I had a small present that I wished to give her, when I see her next. She begged to know what it was, and I said she would have to wait and see, but that it would fit in the palm of her hand. She then pulled out the big guns, and had me talk to her friend Kelly. Welp, all she got out of me that it was it was made of hematite.

Not knowing what hematite is, she was of the impression that it is some sort of vital organ, of the human body. So I requested she ask my darkling if she enjoys my vital organ, and there was hilarious laughter in the car they were driving in. But that, is a story for another time I am certain.

Twas quite a normal, non eventful series of events me thinks, BAHAHAHHAHHAA